what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
