There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize