I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
