We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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