Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
