After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
