This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
