Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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