you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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