...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
