Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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