No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
