Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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