I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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