Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
