My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
