Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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