why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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