I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
