i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
