went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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