Dignity is for republicans.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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