my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
