look no pants
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize