If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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