I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
