the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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