Soap is not a condiment
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
