she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
