Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
