Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
