I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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