So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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