i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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