I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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