I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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