I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
