Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
