Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
