I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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