im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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