we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
