this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
