just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Sacagawea was the original milf.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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