she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
