At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
