I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
