Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
