I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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