so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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