Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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