They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
