I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
