my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
