Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize