Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
