nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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