The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
