i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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