ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize