11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You work out of a Hotel?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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