I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
only you would photoshop your dick
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize