chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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