I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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