If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
