Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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