Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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