Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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