we're chasing vodka with high fives
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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