If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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