i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
