hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
