Already got asked if we're dating
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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