I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
