I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
