You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
