He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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