It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
