too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
