I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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