It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
